He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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