She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
