My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
