Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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