walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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