Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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