I got chris browned last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
