Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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