turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
