Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
