ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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