forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
