Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
