Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Floor bacon is actually really good
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
