I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ruined the universe
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
