I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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