So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
