She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
