he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
