I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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