we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
