P.S. I can't hear my feet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
