if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
