I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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