I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
