i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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