There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
