we're chasing vodka with high fives
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
