That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
