Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
