drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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