We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
