Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
