Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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