batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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