he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
