So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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