I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
