I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize