WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
