i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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