we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
