and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
