some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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