A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
