it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
