Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
