so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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