dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
