So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
