Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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