Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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