At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize