Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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