I am puke
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found your dick twin last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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