I want you more than these girls want KFC
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
