Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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