wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
