When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
