All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
