Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize