thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
