shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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