ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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