We won't sleep together?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dick very happy bro
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
