LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
