Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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