Quick, to the slutcave!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
